Don’t you wish life came with manuals? I mean, your car, your refrigerator and your television come with one. Why don’t life challenges have them?
I think when we are 12, we should be handed one about how to survive middle school. Those years can be pretty tough. Wouldn’t it have been helpful to read the section about how to handle being bullied? Or even more importantly, for the BULLY to read about how to not be a jerk. I would have benefited from both. Or, at the very least, “how to eat at the lunch table alone without feeling like a total loser”.
When we apply for a marriage license, they shouldn’t issue it without having us read the manual on communication, respect, sharing household chores, dealing with a snoring spouse, how to discuss finances, equally sharing child rearing duties…I bet some of us might decide against tying the knot if we really knew what we were in for.
There should be a manual for aging. No one ever tells you what to really expect once you get old. I suppose if they did fill you in on congestive heart failure, dementia and diabetic foot wounds, you’d spend the prime years of your life worrying about what’s ahead. How can you enjoy your youth when you know you won’t be able to afford home health care and will likely need to live in a facility? Maybe ignorance is bliss, sometimes.
I met a man this summer dealing with the shock of his teenage daughter’s sexual assault. I spent an evening helping him navigate through the roller coaster of emotions which is the result of this kind of trauma. He shared a conversation he had with her, where he was raising his voice, asking why she hadn’t fought back, or yelled or did something to stop it. He reminded her how he told her she shouldn’t be hanging around with older boys. In the same breath, he told me how he couldn’t understand why she now thinks he doesn’t want her living with him. I shook my head. “Your daughter is already beating herself up for these same exact things. Having her dad tell her she’s right is only adding to her shame”. I went on to tell him my own, very similar story, and the ramifications of having family members just not know how to respond. He looked at me, deflated, and said “I feel awful. I just didn’t know”. I responded, “Of course you didn’t know. Why would you? There’s no manual on this subject”. We sat in silence for a bit, just sort of absorbing the gravity of it all. I remember sitting in the passenger seat of his truck, looking at him as he gripped that steering wheel so tightly. I was the adult version of his daughter, and he was the younger version of my dad. God, I wonder how differently things might have turned out for me if this conversation took place in my own life. I thought to myself, “There should be a manual”.
There should be a manual.
Stay tuned…
This post was written in response to Linda G Hill’s Stream of Social Consciousness Saturday
The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Dec. 1/18
Oh wouldn’t that be nice to have life manuals. I love that you were able to help the man you met, dealing with his daughter’s sexual assault. That one conversation changed the course of how he’ll relate to her, going forward. ❤️
I hope that’s what happened with them. I know he did tell her he shouldn’t have blamed her, and he did end up accompanying her that day. We’ve lost touch, so I’ll never know how it ends.
Alas, manuals are of little use for those who are way outside the box…
True. They are only useful to those who choose to read them
There is the old adage… “When all else fails, follow instructions.” 🙂
Ha!
You have the healing experience and the gift to help soooo many.
As do YOU🦋
Yes, and I want the manual to be printed, not something I have to search for on the internet. Thanks for sharing this.
I’m working on it!
Another great sharing of thoughts. I’m not that great at reading manuals but I think having a reference is always a good thing. I have 3 kids – so I get 3 different manuals, right? I agree with the other comments, that single conversation you had with that man in his truck has changed the trajectory of that father’s relationship with his daughter. Changed for the better!! You have the gift of authenticity and unabashed willingness to share. That, along with the blessing of time and place with certain people who need to hear what you can share – that is divine intervention.
Nothing like divine intervention💫
Testing from support
Test
Test
Test
Test
PUBLISH THIS!!!!
I wrote an outline last week! I think it will make a great first book
Great idea!
I’m JUST NOW getting back to checking blogs. I feel like I’ve been asleep for a week.
I look forward to hearing more about this book project.
Sorry to get here so late, but wow this is good. I know it’s hard. But what a blessing that you can share your experience and wisdom to help this this father and family. I hope that somehow it helps you, too. I’m looking forward to the book, too!
Ummm….looks like I’m the late one🙄
What is the key to working, going to school, being a mom and keeping up with blogging? I can’t do it all!
That is a lot! I’m thinking the blogging might be the most flexible. Keeping up with blogging means different things to different people. Some people blog every day which I’ve decided is too much for me because there are other things I want and need to do. Some people blog/comment once a month or whenever they feel like it. I don’t think there are any rules about that or there shouldn’t be. Take care of you too, Jami!