Admitting vulnerability

Sometimes, admitting something can be the hardest thing you ever have to do.  Like on Dateline NBC, there’s always this regular, normal husband who ends up hiring someone to murder his wife because he’s afraid she’ll find out about him cheating on her or being a gambling addict or he lost his job. The guy actually thinks KILLING someone is easier than admitting to whatever crappy thing he’s done.  Damn, that shows you just how powerful shame can be. Except those guys don’t get it, because really, the way to rid yourself of shame is by doing the opposite…not silencing it, but outing it.

I’ve spent the past year outing all of my shame, and let me tell you…it’s NOT easy! I can’t say I’d rather kill someone instead, but there were definitely plenty of other things I would rather have been doing. I didn’t do them, though. I’m pretty sure sharing my shame was the most difficult, yet most freeing and empowering thing I’ve ever done.  Once you admit something, out loud…something that’s been eating away at your soul even though you’ve been ignoring the shit out of it…it doesn’t own you anymore. No one can shame you for something you OWN, you know? I kept saying, “No one can be harsher than my own inner critic, so BRING IT ON!”

I’ve poured the contents of my soul all over this blog, shared them with family, friends and strangers…and I’m talking HEAVY stuff.  I figured go big or go home.  It’s funny, though…now that I’m moving into new territories in my life, I’m finding I still have things inside me that are hard to admit to. And I’m realizing it’s not because they are shame based. It’s because I feel vulnerable. Being vulnerable is scary. It’s so scary, I don’t even want to admit to the vulnerability. That “pink cloud” effect of last year’s epic sharing has started to wear off. I don’t feel so much like Wonder Woman anymore. I feel like a regular woman, whatever that is…

 

 

This post was written in response to Linda G Hill’s Stream of Social Consciousness Saturday

 

 

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18 thoughts on “Admitting vulnerability”

  1. Yes! Shame is one of those prisons we keep ourselves in. And it is not easy at all to step out of it. It is scary beyond belief. I must admit that I had some help sloughing off a lot of that one through angelic intervention during a hypnosis session. I’ve learned that what keeps shame’s grasp so firmly in place is judgment (fear of being cast out and ostracized). And yes, speaking it out loud, seeing that we are still standing, and those who truly matter stick by us, releases shame every time. I love your insights and progress! Beautiful writing.

    1. Thank you, Susan. I just had an episode of speaking something out loud and worrying about judgment…and sure enough, those who truly matter are still standing next to me:)

  2. Facing up to shame is definitely not easy but I’m so glad you’ve found freedom and healing in doing it. I agree that even when we’ve shared a lot vulnerability is still not easy. You may not be Wonder Woman but you’re still strong and courageous.

    1. Thank you, Lesley. I think it’s similar to riding a wave… the feelings of strength and courage ebb and flow. I try to keep that in mind when I’m feeling small.

  3. Facing up to the things in your life that have caused you ‘shame’ is a strong and powerful thing. Good for you, I hope the new areas you now move in are constructive and meaningful for you.

  4. This is me. So me. I get this so much. Layer after layer getting rid of the shame, outing it, such a great point about the lengths someone will go to, murder, just to not tell the truth. Great freaking point!!!

    1. I can remember thinking I’d take all my shit to the grave…I’d do almost anything to not have anyone find out. I thought I’d die! Well, now everyone knows and I’m still here, so…..

      1. I love that you put it out there. That you didn’t hold onto it.i cant believe it took me until 2 years ago to start revealing shit people put on me. Took me a long time to overcome brainwashing and manipulations!

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