2020. This was supposed to be THE year. The year I held my first retreat. The year I gave a TED Talk. The year I graduated from college at the age of 48 and finally took all the little side gigs I’d been doing, like writing and speaking and recording my podcast, and maximized them into something big. I remember telling my friends, referring to my laser-sharp focus on my goals, “2020 is the year for clarity!”
Instead, Covid happened. Everything was postponed. My retreat, my TED Talk, my speaking engagements, my podcast. Luckily, I DID graduate. And instead of doing those things, I kept working. Unlike most of the world, I worked even more during the height of the pandemic. I’m a nurse, so…
My last post on here was in April. I suppose that’s the side effect of nursing during a pandemic. The post was me writing about all the emotionally reactive feelings I was having about the virus, and people’s responses to the pandemic. Kind of like everyone else in the country, I was scared, and people were pissing me off. I suppose triggered is the more correct way to say it. We are all human.
I’m not as reactive anymore. I think if you do something enough, even if it’s scary, you get used to it. Complacent, even. I’m at the point now where I feel like “you do you, I’ll do me,” and that seems to get me through it. Through the pandemic, through the election, through my own personal battles.
I’ve been maximizing my time, and my life, by minimizing what I have to do. This includes tasks as well as thoughts. I’ve started minimizing my personal belongings. I became certified to teach meditation. I say “no” to things I don’t want to do. I’m enjoying every bit of conversation with my teenage boys while they are home. I’ve lost my FOMO (“Fear Of Missing Out). I don’t try to change people’s minds anymore. Well, not as often. I’ve come close to mastering the art of surrender. I know gratitude. I don’t waste my time arguing anymore, though I will speak my truth. Someone dulls my sparkle? I move on. Well, most of the time, at least. Remember, I’m human.
You are, too. So, cut yourself some slack. Even if you think you don’t deserve it.
Turns out, 2020 IS the year. In the midst of loss, tragedy and fear, I’ve found joy, peace and accomplishment. And love. Anyone who has followed my blog will understand my struggle with love. I’m amazed at how this year has been a joy for me, despite the tragedies. Like how life grows new after everything’s been burned down by a forest fire. The phoenix rising from the ashes. A mosaic made from broken tile. The Japanese art of Kintsugi, which fills cracks with gold, to make something broken beautiful. You get the gist.
I’ve seen neighbors helping neighbors. Communities uniting to support each other. People shopping local. First responders kicking ass. Teachers stepping up, despite being scared. Single acts of kindness changing someone’s entire perspective on life. The down-time has allowed for connections which we are usually too busy for. These are everyday miracles. It’s time to start noticing them. 2020 is still the year of clarity.
Beauty and joy are everywhere, even in the middle of a pandemic. Sometimes, you just need to minimize your thoughts, and everyone else’s, in order to maximize what’s right in front of you. Clarity. It’s yours for the taking. And for the giving.
What’s your miracle today?
This post was written in response to Linda G. Hill’s “Stream of Consciousness Saturday”
