Tag Archives: parenting

My nest is empty

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My nest is empty.

This week felt like a marathon. I come from a long line of procrastinators, and that gene never skips a generation. My son spent his last night at home, and even morning, packing up his life for his freshman year at college.

I have two sons, 18 and 20. Even though I’d sent one off to school already, I still surprised myself with the bittersweet emotions. In no way was I a hot mess, but there was a lot going on inside me yesterday as we hugged goodbye in his dorm room. My eyes glistened throughout the day.

No one ever prepares us for the repeated grief we experience as our children grow. It happens in the blink of an eye, and in slow motion all at the same time. I wish there was a way to know when each part of their childhood was about to end, so we could savor those last moments of holding our hand, playing games together or hugging in public. We never realize when the last hand-holding is over until it’s not happening anymore. I think we all would savor that moment with gratitude, if we knew. I suppose their independence is proof we did our jobs correctly. My sons are prepared to handle the world on their own, at least these parts of it. Still, I miss the feeling of their tiny hands in mine. Enough to cause my heart to ache a bit.

My favorite moments of move-in day were when each child hugged me…as frequently as I needed them to. It’s true when they say that kids eventually come full circle. The days of avoiding mom’s love in public are over! My heart smiles.

Parenting is an amazing process of learning to let go of our attachments, over and over again, and feeling good about it when it happens. Easier said than done. I miss those little boys. It tugs on my heartstrings to realize the childhood season of their lives is over. But I know that having an empty nest means I did my job. These young men are embarking on their journeys, and oh, the places they will go!

This post was written in response to Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Aug. 28, 2021 | (lindaghill.com)

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Sky’s the limit

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I am a nurse by trade, but most of my days are spent doing something much bigger.

I seek out miracles.

It sounds like a long-shot, but I am successful. Every day.

It’s 11am on a Saturday, and here’s today’s miracles…so far.

1. I woke up.

We are in the middle of a pandemic. Many people went to sleep last night praying for this miracle, and did not receive it.

2. I don’t have too much pain today.

As a person with chronic illness, even a mild reduction in pain is a blessing.

3. My children are happy (as far as I can tell) and safe.

Research statistics on addiction/bullying/foster children/suicide. Too many parents pray for this miracle which has been given to my family.

4. I am sharing company with a man who authentically shows up for me every single day.

I am only capable of receiving him because I learned how to show up for myself first. Anyone who follows along with my journey understands this miracle.

5. I have learned to allow space for opinions that differ from mine, at least for today.

To be able to craft a well-written response to a political comment, then delete it before posting because you remember that you don’t have to show up to every debate you are invited to is a miracle. At least for today…

It’s 11:45am. The sky’s the limit, my friends. What’s your miracle?

This post was written in response to Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday

The Friday Reminder for #SoCS & #JusJoJan 2021 Daily Prompt – Jan. 9th

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Ask someone else

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My friend, Linda G. Hill, runs a writing group here on WordPress. She actually has a few of them, but I take part in her Stream of Social Consciousness Saturday one. She gives us a word or phrase as a prompt, and we organically write about it. No edits allowed, other than fixing typos. It’s a pretty neat idea, and often interesting to see what comes out. Often, it’s not what you intend when you start the essay. I started writing in this blog as part of my healing process, though lately it seems I only write because I receive her prompt. Time gets away from me, and I’m grateful to have Linda gently kicking me in the butt, keeping me writing. I think sometimes I’m so busy being a mom and a nurse and wearing all the other hats I wear, that I forget that I’m a writer. Thankfully, she reminds me.

I’ve never met her, and only know her from her blog, so we’ll see how this comes out. I wrote a similar post a few weeks ago ( I am ) which was inspired by one of her own posts. I thought it might be neat to see what she is to me. This week’s prompt is “ask someone else”, meaning to ask someone else for the prompt. As she is tending to her sick child, I suggested she take that prompt and use it in her real life, asking someone else to manage the blogging world for a bit. One can only juggle so much, Linda. So, I’m taking it upon myself to write this week’s post for you, in case you find yourself with too much going on…

Who is Linda?

Linda is a writer.

Linda is a mom.

Linda is a woman.

Linda is a natural writer. She has a gift, and it flows freely. Read any one of her published books and you’ll feel her humor, her wit…her intelligence. Though it’s not difficult for her to write, she does put hard effort into getting it done, so the world can read it. Even with an ill child, she makes sure she takes care of her followers. Linda pursues big dreams, and that stirs something in me. I know I’m not the only one on here who looks up to her, who sees her as a mentor. Her passion for writing inspires me.

Linda is a mom. The kind of mom everyone should have. The kind who has to work harder than the other moms, just due to the hand she was dealt in life. We know all moms work hard, are loving and kind… but when medical concerns overshadow all the normal parts of child rearing, child rearing no longer becomes “normal”. It requires a badass mom. Luckily for her kids, that is exactly what they have.  She finds strength when she’s not feeling strong. She finds patience when she’s seemingly at the end of her rope. I know this because she shares some of it with the world. I’m sure not all of it, but I get to glimpse enough to know. No matter how trying it can be, she somehow carries on, with a sense of humor and grace. Sometimes, after I read about one of her typical days, I exhale, and just want to hug her. I’ll bet some of you do, too.

Linda is a woman. A hilarious woman (I’ve seen the way her brain works in SOCS… sometimes, it’s more of a twisted hilariousness…).  A woman who is not afraid to take chances and believe in herself, and others. A woman who is generous, compassionate and sharing…particularly to the hundreds of bloggers she’s never even met. Quick to offer advice, support, validation. Linda is authentic and vulnerable and brave. She reminds me if that quote, “she turned her can’ts into cans and her dreams into plans”.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us, Linda.

 

 

 

 

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Dec. 29/18

 

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I cried writing this card

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Today my oldest son turned 18. We are looking at colleges and I’m preparing for my little bird to fly the nest. It’s bittersweet times around here.

Our family has been through a lot these past three years. My husband moved out two years ago, after a year of me having a therapeutic revolution of my own #metoo movement. My boys are well aware of it all, and have weathered the storm like warriors. God, I have been blessed.

I cried writing this card…

 

 

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Oct. 6/18

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Marching on

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My youngest son had a birthday yesterday. 14. It’s going by so quickly. I imagine he’s grown more than a year, emotionally. It’s been a kind of tough year around here. His dad moved out the end of October, and he’s had to adjust to things no child should have to adjust to. Divorce causes grief in children. They grieve the death of their family unit. It seems to have affected him a bit more than my older son, though things aren’t always as they seem, so one will ever really know. Part of me feels guilty for putting this grief on him, but I think that’s a normal feeling. Intellectually, I know this divorce is better for all of us in the long run. My children will benefit from having a strong, empowered, happy, butterfly of a mom…instead of the caterpillar mom they had…the one who was suffocating in her cocoon. Getting my intellectual self to match up to my emotional self just might be a life-long process, but I’m getting there.

I learned to validate my own feelings this year. By doing so, I’ve learned how to validate others. This has come in handy with my youngest, during his difficult times. His father does not understand validation. No fault of his own…he just doesn’t have that toolbox. My toolbox is full, and I have been validating the hell out of my children’s emotions. As my youngest heals, I can see his toolbox filling, as well. Our bond has only strengthened during this experience, as we continue marching on.

13 turning into 14, for him, has been a huge period of maturity and growth. I’m so proud of who he is… his values, his goals…just everything about him. I’ve been so blessed with these two angels on Earth.  When your children exceed your hopes and dreams on who they will turn out to be…there’s just no accurate description of how full your heart feels.

Happy birthday, son. I love you forever…

 

 

​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WKaO1a_ORw&sns=em

 

 

 

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Mar. 25/17

 

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Pretty amazing dysfunctional Thanksgiving sleepover #SOCS

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(This post is a part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Basically, I’m supposed to write organically…no rewrites or edits, just let it flow. The word prompt is “pretty”. )  So, here goes nothing…

This Thanksgiving was pretty amazing. It went down pretty much the same way it’s gone down the past several years…my mother in law (and her dog), sister-in-law and her husband, my husband’s two nieces and their husbands (and their two dogs), me, my husband, my two sons and  our dog, all at my house. It’s only my husband’s family, not mine.  Everyone comes around 2pm, as is tradition.  I cook the turkey and desserts and they all bring a side dish, as is tradition. We eat dinner then move on to playing board games while drinking and being merry, as is tradition. Someone inevitably brings up politics or some controversial conversation, which of course never ends well when people are drinking. Someone inevitably starts yelling, which I think is pretty common at family gatherings…especially when you combine alcohol and dysfunctional family dynamics. This time, it happened to be about Trump and Muslims. (Funny how hidden family racism is not so hidden after a few bottles of wine). Nothing ever too major, since this family is used to fighting, and nothing that can’t be smoothed over with a few distractions…then we go on with our business of having a good time, as is tradition. The majority of the evening is full of laughs and quality time spent together. I especially enjoy the nieces and their husbands. They are all in their 20s and a blast to hang out with. I’ve known the girls since they were little kids, so it’s cool to have a relationship with them as adults…as equals. Around 1am, everyone (including the 2 boxers, 1 golden-doodle and 1 bulldog) packs into our 4 bedrooms and spends the night. (Someone usually passes out on the couch from having one too many shots…and one of them fell in the bathroom and crushed my dryer vent this year…one more thing to add to my appliance repair list). Every year, this is what we do. Same food, same conversation, same games, same fights, same drinking. It’s a giant dysfunctional family sleepover, and even though someone always has an argument, and most are extremely hung over the next morning, they all seem to love this tradition. My boys laugh so much at the bantering and storytelling. It brings me joy to see them interact with family.

 

So, what makes this dysfunctional Thanksgiving sleepover “pretty amazing”, compared to all the other ones? My husband and I separated a month ago. He moved out, and I am living here in our home with our two children. It’s still fresh…the separation. Some heavy shit went down between us this summer. Yet somehow, despite all of said heavy shit, we have been able to continue being a family with our two boys. Last week, we went to the Patriots game (damn Seahawks…grrrr….) as a family. The other night, he came over for dinner. And last night, he and his entire family came and we broke bread (and wine glasses and dryer vents) and laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. Why? Because I want my children to understand that family doesn’t end just because Mom and Dad don’t live together anymore. I can remember family holidays when I was a little kid. We would all gather at my grandmother’s house…my uncles and cousins…so much fun. Then, one by one, they all got divorced. And next thing you know, there’s no such thing as family gatherings anymore.  No more bonding. After the age of 10 or so, I never saw my cousins again…and two of them lived the next town over. We finally reconnected in my 20s, when a cousin happened to deliver a pizza to my house. We looked at each other for a few seconds, and realized “hey, you look familiar…”  We rekindled our relationship and have since become close, but I regret the time lost over the years. I don’t want my boys to know the feeling of family disappearing. It leaves a void, whether you realize it at the time or not. I want my boys to feel as much love, as much belonging, as much happiness as I can give to them. Things may change down the road. I have no idea if my husband and I will still be amicable a year from now. I have no idea if one of these dysfunctional drunken fights will be between me and him instead of my mother in law and sister-in-law. I have no idea if he will be married to someone else next year. All I know is this year. All I know is we are amicable right now. So right now, my kids just had a great, fun, traditional family Thanksgiving, bonding with their grandmother and aunt and cousins and mom and dad, a month after their dad moved out…and that’s pretty amazing.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Nov. 26/16Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail