You can drive yourself nuts trying to avoid the things that trigger you; though you can drive yourself nuts trying to face them, too. Most of us just hide, or pretend it’s not happening. We are all born these little loved babies…so perfect, so pure, but we rarely are able to see it. Our pureness gets buried under all the conditioning piled on us by our parents, our siblings, our friends, our teachers…by society. We gain shame, guilt and fear from events that happen to us that are often completely out of our control. Shame is heavy, and it’s damaging as hell. Some damage is obvious, such as abuse and the like. Other types, not so noticeable. Words, or lack of them. Unworthy. Not good enough. Ignored. Compared. Different. Unwanted. Unpopular. Any of these words ring a bell? Damaged little children. All of us. And the next thing you know, we’ve got generations of damaged little children walking around in adult bodies, trying to pretend the shame doesn’t still exist inside us. Those hurt kids stick around, unknowingly guiding our decisions, because they need to heal in order to transform us into healthy adults. Till then, we bleed on people who didn’t even cut us. It’s sad, eh?

Makes me think of Tim McGraw. Tell me, how do you want to spend your next thirty years? Hiding? Facing? Pretending? Unable to breathe? Afraid? I suppose that answer might differ, depending on how old you are. Or where you are in life. Or what your conditioning was or still is. Or how many layers of shame and guilt is piled on your chest, sometimes making it feel like you can’t even breathe. Let’s say you’re fifty. Thirty years puts you at eighty, if you’re lucky. How about we skip the thirty years and just ask, how do you want to spend this year? Or this week? Or this day? Or even, this one night? Do you want to spend it hiding? Driving yourself nuts avoiding that unhealed little kid inside you? Letting his or her pain hurt you, and everyone you come in contact with? You don’t have to wait until you’re fifty or sixty or seventy, or even your deathbed, to decide to cut that kid a little slack. You may never fully heal that kid, but damn, give a kid a break every once in awhile. Let the child play. A day of play, of smiling, of feeling good. Can you imagine it? Maybe if you do, even for just one night, you might be able to start the shift. All you need to do is start it. Who cares when you finish it, or even if you do finish it? That’s what life is really about, just the journey of trying, and forgiving. It’s about random moments of joy and living, amidst the chaos. And maybe, if you take enough chances on yourself, if you give yourself enough of those moments…you just might slide on from Tim McGraw and into the great Jimmy Buffett, who says, “Some of it’s magic, some of it’s tragic, but I’ve had a good life all the way.”

This post was written in response to Linda G Hill’s Stream of Social Consciousness Saturday. Some free flowing organic thoughts straight from my brain to the keyboard. Hope it makes at least a little bit of sense, at least to someone!